Another Amazing Weekend

Yet another amazing weekend was just had! My friend Kiara put together a group called Arizona Transracial Adoptive Families several years ago. We are an online Yahoo group, but also meet together for playdates, family activities, Mom's nights out, book clubs, etc. I help moderate the group, plan activities, and help out wherever else needed. It is such a great group!

So this weekend we had the opportunity to bring in Rhonda Roorda to speak to our group. Who is Rhonda? She is co-author of the books “In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories” and “In Their Parents Voices: Reflections on Raising Transracial Adoptees.” Her first book tells the stories of twenty-four black and biracial children who were adopted into white families in the late 1960’s and 70’s. Through In Their Parents’ Voices, we now hear from the parents of these remarkable individuals and learn what it was like for them to raise children across racial and cultural lines. Their candid interviews shed light on the issues these parents encountered, what part race played during their thirty plus years of parenting, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

Amazing! She is one of the adoptees - African American woman adopted into a Dutch family at the age of 2 years old. It was incredible to be able to hear her speak at a workshop on Saturday where she shared her own experience growing up in a white family and then we were able to go to dinner with her on Sunday night with 7 other adoptive parents. That was such a blessing to be able to sit across the table from her and ask her questions about our personal situation, as well as hear her advice to other parents at the table. Side note - she is good friends with Oprah! Oh and I now have her email address amd phone number so I can use her for issues we face down the road - such a valuable resource to have! (I am thinking she is going to be Maya's mentor :)

I know there probably aren't many transracial adoptive parents that read my blog, but I must share some things that really spoke to me and maybe they will help someone else.

She talked about the struggle adoptees face to honor family but they in turn self sacrifice. For example, she wanted to talk to her parents about race issues, but she didn't want to hurt them so she kept it inside. It really got me thinking about the whole concept of "honoring family" and how we can deal with that. No solutions, just thoughts! :) I think the key is to make sure your children feel comfortable talking to you - never afraid to talk about tough stuff!

She said something along the lines of how we can't adopt transracially because "it is a dream" and how if that is what we are in it for, we will give up when it gets hard. It has to be more than a dream! She went on to say how if you have a deaf child, you do all you can to research how to succesfully raise a deaf child - learn sign language, read books, find deafs schools, etc. Effective transracial parenting requires that same drive and dedication.

She also shared a story of how her African American husband came to a workshop with her and there was an AA boy who was out of control. After they left, he said, "That boy will be in yuvenile detention within 2 years. You can't be black in this nation ad be out of control." Oh that got me thinking about parenting. Maya is a little out of control at times... Please, please, please may Kenyon be more in control. LOL! All kidding aside, she really talked about how black men in particular have to live a higher standard, a "look above approach" she called it. They can't speed at all or they will get pulled over. Her husband can't rush to Home Depot in the middle of a project in his grubbies. He has to stop, shower and get ready, put on some nicer clothes, etc. Wow - so much pressure on these men!

Another topic that was brought up was looking at your own prejudices. She shared a story of a family that had adopted transracially and the mother was constantly putting down Mexicans in front of her African American/Mexican son. As a teen, he was acting out and it came out that a big reason was because of his mother putting down his race. Maya is both African American and Mexican. There are times people are putting down Mexicans in front of us. We can't stand for it!

Okay, okay, I know I am on my soapbox. I love our transracial family! It is tough work, but worth every dirty look, comment or stare. I feel so blessed to be a part of a network of people that feel the same and to be able to go through this journey together!

Oh and I meant to post this early this morning, but I didn't finish it. If you by chance watched the Pat McMahon show on TV at 9:00 am, you saw Rhonda on there. I had a friend DVR it so I can't wait to check it out!