I was reading a friend's blog recently and saw that she has a section on Adoption Questions and Answers. I loved this because we are often asked so many questions about our adoptions and I would LOVE to share some insight. Many of the questions we are asked in public are from people being way too nosey and I want to use a phrase Jer taught me "none-ya," meaning none of your business. However, I try to think that maybe they are considering adoption so I strive to educate in my response and then quickly move on. Right now I don't get too irritated, but as our kids get older and hear these questions, it is going to get harder and harder. I don't want to confuse my kids when they hear me talking to others. Also, a lot of it is private information that my kids can decide when and if they want to share. Okay, I will stop rambling and give you some sample questions. We get these about Maya and Kenyon so I will alternate "him" and "her."
Q. Why did his mom give him away?
A. I am his mom and I would never think of giving him away. I think you are wanting to know why his birthmom placed him for adoption. She loved him so much and wanted him to be in a family with a mom and a dad so she chose us to raise him. Can you imagine how much strength and courage that must have taken??!! She really loved him!
Q. Do you talk to her "real" mom?
A. Well, sometimes I talk to myself (they then shoot me a "you know what I mean" look). Oh - you mean her birthmom. Yes, we have a wonderfully open adoption with Maya's birthmom. We talk on the phone, email, text message and send pictures and gifts through the mail. We truly believe this will be the best thing for Maya. She will never grow up wondering about her birthmom. She knows how much she is loved by her because she hears it from her. As far as "real" mom, I also like to reiterate that both myself, her adoptive mom, and her birthmom are real, living human beings :).
Q. How much do they cost?
A. They are priceless! Yes, adoption can be very expensive, but how do you put a price on these precious children. The fees we pay are not for the child, but for the circumstances surrounding the child: the legal, medical, birthmom living expenses and so much more. (This is definitely a "none-ya" question!)
Q. Are they real brother and sister? (This is a new one!)
A. I had decided that I would always say "YES" and leave it at that and then when I was asked this the first time at church by a sweet older lady, I totally froze. Thankfully, my friend who has 2 adoptive children chimed in and answered yes for me. Can you imagine the horror that would overcome Maya if she heard me say, "No." Obviously, when people ask this one they are not thinking things through. We have spent all of this time telling Maya that Kenyon is her baby brother and then to hear something otherwise. No, they are not biological brother and sister, but why the #$%@ does that matter? (Can you tell this one gets me going?!) So PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE if you are ever with me and someone asks this, answer "yes" with a smile! I also have heard of people that say, "They fight in the backseat." I think I will use that one when they are older.
Q. Are you ever going to have children of your own? (Grrrr...)
A. I don't need to because I already have 2 children of my very own. (Not going to say anymore on that one!)
Q. Why did you decide to adopt?
A. Even before Jeremy and I were married we talked about how we wanted to adopt. When we tried to get pregnant and were unsuccessful, rather than going into lengthy infertility treatments, we took this as our answer that we were to build our family through adoption.
Q. Who does your hair (to Maya)?
A. I used to say, "Tell them your mommy does" and then I realized that people didn't always assume that I was her mommy. Maybe they thought I was just the nanny. So now I proudly respond, "I do."
Q. They are so lucky to be with you.
A. We are the lucky ones. I end it there, but it really irks me when we get this one because I know that their underlying message is that they are better off with us then living in the projects, the ghetto or wherever else people assume they would be without us. Who are they to assume this! Maya and Kenyon both come from wonderful birthmoms that chose us, but not because they couldn't have done it themselves. They are both very capable women that could love and support a child. They chose us because they were led to us and were thinking of the child they gave birth to rather than themselves. They are the most unselfish women we know. I get very offended when people make assumptions or comments about our children's birthmoms.
Okay, I think I am ready to step off of my soapbox now. I am sure more questions will come in the future, but there was some Monday food for thought for you!
Baby kittens at Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell's house in Wyoming
Baby goat in Wyoming (she also fed a horse, but the picture didn't turn out)
Kenyon's 1st time on a trampoline with cousin Danielle (He giggled for the 1st time on it!)
Cowboy Maya jumping with cousins Aleck and Olivia
